My Personal Hell
by Caboodle
Summary: Lily Evans has a secret, a dreadful secret which is one of pain. Every summer she returns to her own personal hell. Deals with abuse and swearing. Will be on hold after Ch 3. Pre HBP.
1. Prologue

A/N: Okay well I shouldn't be starting another story since I am already writing The Zabini Twins but this story just got in my head and it won't leave me alone! So please read and review, I will only continue if I get some response.

In this story magic is allowed outside of Hogwarts. Lily and the Marauder's are on friendly terms because Lily and Remus are good friends so they ended up being friends. I don't like Peter therefore he will only appear when necessary. Peter, Sirius and James are all purebloods, Remus is half blood and was raised muggle but with the awareness of his magic.

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Lily Evans was 16 years old and about to enter her seventh and final year at school. However she was not attending a normal school but a magical school; Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Lily was what you average teenager would describe as perfect; she stood at 5'7 with a slim figure, curves in all the right places, red hair and strikingly green emerald eyes. She was friends with some of the most popular people in school; she was smart and the newly appointed head girl. Lily Evans was not however perfect; it was all just a façade to cover up what her life was truly like.

Lily was a muggle born witch; this meant that her parents were not magical so when they discovered their youngest daughter was a witch they were shocked. Amanda Evan had been quite accepting of her daughter and her new found magic. Daniel Evans had not been so supportive of his daughter; he had actually been disgraced upon hearing the news. He had been raised in a family that was perfectly normal and this was what he wanted for his own family. Lily's older sister, Petunia, was disgusted that she had a 'freak' for a sister; she began to completely ignore her.

The Evans family lived in a small house in Surrey; Amanda Evans was a lawyer whereas Daniel was a trainer at a local gym. Lily's mother was often away so Petunia and Daniel didn't have to hide their contempt for Lily much. Amanda Evans was the one who took Lily to buy her school things and took her to Kings Cross Station to board the Hogwarts Express for the very first time. It was on this train ride where Lily met Remus Lupin and the two became the best of friends after realizing that the two had so much in common. Lily also became friends with James Potter and Sirius Black but they were not as close to her as Remus was. Lily did have trouble making friends with the girls in her year due to the fact that they were all jealous of her relationship with the boys and she was also the only muggle born witch in the whole year group. James, Remus and Sirius were all rather attractive and even thought they were only in their first year the girls were already falling at their feet. The three boys along with Peter Pettigrew were known as the Marauders; the ultimate pranksters of the school. Lily was their friend but she never took part in the pranks and she never reported them either. Lily also never really talked to Peter; she had always felt strange around him and she didn't trust him.

During Lily's second year she was called to the headmaster's office. It was there that Professor Dumbledore broke the news of her mother's murder; Lily was of course heartbroken. She left the next day upon the Hogwarts Express to go home for the funeral. It was on this sad visit home where Lily's traumatic life begun. Arriving at her home expecting comfort from her family she was instead treated with hatred. Her father immediately sent her to her room telling her to move her belongs to the cupboard under the stairs. When she questioned her dad she was told that she didn't deserve a room because she was a witch, then he slapped her for what her called 'insolence'. Lily had been in shock she spent the rest of the day sitting on her bed (which filled up the whole cupboard, minus the shelves mounted on the walls which contained her small amount of belongings), this was not of her on free will but because she had been locked in there.

When Lily returned to Hogwarts she did not tell anyone about being hit; she had rationalized it down to the fact that her father was in shock over her mother's death. She had also come to the conclusion that she didn't need a room at home because she was in fact only there for the summer. The Marauders had welcomed her back to Hogwarts and only Remus had noticed her slightly strange behavior and red cheek. When he later mentioned it to James and Sirius had pointed out that she just lost her mother.

The next four years of Lily's life were spent at Hogwarts with her friends or at home being physically and mentally abused. She had never told anyone that her father hit her; he had told her once that no one would believe her and she believed him. Petunia was the one who was responsible for the mental abuse that Lily went through. When Lily returned to Hogwarts her friends never saw the bruises but all three of them saw the change in behavior; since she was their only female friend they had just assumed it to be a 'girl thing'.

At the end of 6th year James had told Lily that she and Remus were welcome to stay at The Potter Manor. Lily had wanted to but she knew that her father would never let her go; he didn't think that she was worthy of having friends. So she naturally lied and told the boys that she wanted to but she was going to be helping her sister plan her upcoming wedding; the boys believed her. So it was now that Lily sat aboard the Hogwarts Express as it pulled into Kings Cross Station; surrounded by her friends and about to enter a summer of hell.

Lily's P.O.V.

As usual the boys helped me get my trunk and we all walked towards the floo hearth were James, Sirius and Peter were flooing home from. Sirius now lived with the Potters; he had a fight with his family and turned up at James house at Christmas saying that he and his family had different views on the world; apparently he had been beaten up by his father also. I felt as though Sirius and I now shared something more in common even if he didn't realize it; I wondered how long he had been abused for? James and Sirius both gave me a tight hug before wishing me a good summer vacation before the said in perfect unison "Goodbye Lily flower. We'll owl you". They were very similar to twins at some point that it was creepy; same looks, same attitude and same thoughts. Peter gave me a quick (and uncomfortable) hug while James and Sirius flooed away before he himself flooed away. Remus was now the only one left with me now; he had to catch a muggle train to his home. He didn't like to floo when it was close to his transformation time; I realized that he was a werewolf during my 3rd year. I didn't have a problem with it; in fact I actually encouraged him to tell James, Sirius and Peter. Together we proceeded towards the barrier that separated platform nine and three quarters. The familiar lurch of the barrier happened and Remus and I found ourselves in the muggle world. Looking around the station I saw my father waiting for me with a forced smile upon his face. Next to him stood my sister, Petunia, she was wearing a scarf around her hair and a rather large pair of sunglasses; obviously afraid that someone might see her.

"Well Lily flower is your family here?" Remus asked me while he glanced around the station.

"Yeah my dad and sister are over there. I better go, they look in a rush." I reluctantly said. Truthfully I wanted to get on the train with Remus and never return home but I knew it wasn't possible.

"Well Lil's I'll see you in Diagon Alley or on the train. I'll send Hermes soon thought." Remus said before scooping me into a hug which I desperately clung to. Remus spoke of sending his owl (Hermes) I really hoped that he wouldn't; every time something _abnormal_ happened my father would beat me up. Messenger owls classified as abnormal.

"Bye Remus, have heaps of fun and don't get into too much trouble without me okay". T had strangely enough been the one to get the Marauders out of trouble this year.

"Well where on earth would you get that absurd idea? Like I would get into trouble!" He said with his usual cheeky grin in place. "You better get going now though. Your dad looks angry. Take care Lily flower." At his comment I quickly looked at my father; Remus was right he looked mad, very mad. I would pay for this later and it would hurt.

"I've go to go Remus. Have a good break." I said while giving him a final hug and forcing my way through the crowds to where my father was located. When I reached him I could see the anger more defined in his eyes. He leaned forward to hug me. To any passersby it would look like a father hugging his daughter as to welcome her home from boarding school. However to me it was a promise of more to come; since my father was a trained it meant that he had muscles and that he was strong, so when he hugged me he squeezed so tight that I could hardly breathe. Pulling back he then grabbed my trunk from me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders which pulled me close.

"Listen you little bitch you bought this on yourself. The only reason that I'm not hurting you more is because that stupid friend of yours is watching us. I want you to turn and wave at him and if there's any funny business I swear that you won't be able to move for a week!" He hissed into my ear. I complied with what he told me because if I didn't then I knew that I would be 'punished' more later; I couldn't however keep the sadness out of my eyes as I wave to Remus with a fake smile on my face.

When I climbed inside the car outside my father began to yell at me about how I was a slut and I must have been fucking 'that boy' why else would he care about me. I knew that this wasn't true but I didn't say anything; silence occasionally made him less violent.

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Well what do you think? Please leave me a review and I will decide whether I should continue with the story. To anyone who also reads The Zabini Twins I am trying to update soon.


	2. Chapter One

Forgot to say, I don't own the rights to the characters; they belong to J.K. Rowling. Otherwise I would be a very rich smug bastard. Anyway, on with the story.

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Remus P.O.V.

After saying good bye to James, Remus and Peter Lily and I made our way through to the muggle side of Kings Cross Station. This was where I saw Lily's family for the first time. I along with the rest of the Marauders knew that Lily's sister, Petunia, rather disliked her due to her 'abnormality' however what none of us knew was the extent of it. At the station Petunia was covered from foot to toe; I assumed it was so no one would recognize her. When Lily did reach her father and sister I noticed that Petunia didn't even acknowledge her sister! I happened to stop studying Petunia when I noticed her father pull her into a hug which to me looked rather painful but what happened next was what surprised me most. Lily turned around, waved at me and smiled but the smile didn't reach her eyes as it normally did. Something was up and I was going to find out what. While I sat on the train which would take me I home I grew more concerned as the time went on. Could something be wrong with Lily that she didn't tell us about? Did something else happen between her and Petunia? All four of us Marauders remembered when Lily send home a letter to Petunia in her second year before her mother died; she received a letter from Petunia in which she officially declared her as no longer related. Her sister had disowned her! This was just because Lily was a witch! Mr. Evans was someone who I knew virtually nothing about. Lily never spoke much about her family and home life; this I partially believed to be because James and Sirius were pureblooded and didn't understand. Maybe she was trying to hide something? The train pulled into the train station where I could see my family and I decided that I would send Lily a letter to find out if she was in fact alright. Once again my parents welcomed me home with open arms but I could still sense their appreshion (spelling?) over my 'condition'; they never had accepted me being a werewolf. Arriving home I headed up to my room and began to pen a letter to Lily.

_Dearest Lily Flower_

_How are you? My journey home was rather peaceful apart from the constant worry of you. At the train station I noticed your father's behavior and it has caused me to grow concerned. I don't mean to pry into your life but I just noticed your father's behavior and it has caused me to grow concerned. I don't mean to pry into your life but I just want to make sure that you are alright. I know you find the summers difficult due to Petunia's dislike to our kind but I do hope that she is treating you well. Please writ back so I know you're alright; I've told Hermes to wait for a reply._

_Love Remus_

Opening Hermes cage I tied the letter to him, told him to wait for a reply and opened the window so he could fly away. It was at this time that my mother called me down for dinner and my thoughts soon drifted away from Lily.

* * *

Lily's P.O.V.

As soon as I stepped through the door of 4 Privet Drive my hell began. My father shut the door quietly after smiling to the neighbors so they would believe everything was fine; he immediately began the 'punishment' for talking to Remus or maybe it was for the fact that I had friends. A quick backhand to the face knocked me to the floor which was closely followed by several kicks to my ribs and stomach; I felt as one of my ribs broke. The usual routine began where I would get the shit kicked out of me for several minutes before he would stop and order me to put my trunk in the basement so I couldn't complete any of my homework. This was one place where I out smarted him every yeah that I had returned from Hogwarts to him. I had duplicated my trunk; put all the items into the locket my mother gave me which had a permanent shrinking charm on it. The brilliant thing was I could also put my want inside it to keep it safe from my father wrath. So far I had been lucky because my father had never thought to check the duplicate trunk which was empty. If he had checked it only to discover it was empty then I most likely wouldn't survive the night. Pulling the trunk past him I made sire to that I portrayed I was having difficulty with it and he just smirked at me as usual.

To my surprise that evening I was treated better than usual. After putting my 'trunk' in the basement and witnessing my father lock the door I proceeded to make dinner, clean the house and sort out Petunia's room. Unfortunately this peace was not to last, it appeared that Remus had been concerned for my well being after seeing the events which took place at Kings Cross with my father. Hermes flew in through the kitchen window and landed on the dinner table in front of Petunia who proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs. My father reached for Hermes and ripped the letter viciously from him; I did notice that several of his feathers were pulled out in the process. Hermes flew into the air flying out of my fathers grip; Remus must have told him to wait for a reply. By this point my father rounded on me and charged forward "Fly home Hermes" I yelled before my fathers fist hit my face.

"What did you do?" Each word was mixed with another blow to my body. "This boy knows something!" What did you tell him?" Again his words were punctuated by another blow to my body. Remus was very good at picking up emotions and it was very hard to fool him; he must have placed together something that had him concerned. The blows soon became too much for me to handle and sweet unconsciousness took over my mind.

* * *

This is just a quick update. I discovered I have an allergy to pine nuts and that was a day spent at the doctor's office the day before I went away, that was horrible. I had a nice holiday in Auckland and there was actually sunny. I was rejected from a job I applied for, due to my age I think. I passed my photography boards with excellence; which is the highest level you can get. Then today my cat was really sick and he was getting ready to die but we took him to the vet and had him put to sleep because he was likely to have a heart attack. So I'm real sad about that because we've had him for 13 years. 


	3. Chapter Two

Don't own anything, imagine that what a shocker!

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Remus's P.O.V.

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The fill moon was fast approaching but even as my health declined my mind was still troubled about Lily. As soon as my transformation was over I was planning on heading over to her house; I expect to find her there, perfectly healthy and laughing at my worry. With that decided I slowly raised myself and began to walk out side to the forest. The forest where I was originally bitten was ironically enough where I spent my time as a werewolf when at home.

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Several Days Later

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I wearily stumbled out of my room two days after the beginning of my transformation. Scratched, bruised and nursing a now lame lag. I had had better days. However I was determined to have my usual healing potions before getting Sirius and James to come with me and check on Lily. The foul taste of the strengthening potion was as familiar as my own hands. Merlin, who ever made these potions did not think about taste. With the potions out of the way I began to feel better but I still had a lame leg. Stumbling over to the hearth I grabbed a handful of floo powder.

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James P.O.V.

* * *

I was still waiting to hear from Remus about how his transformation had gone; I felt guilty that he had to go through this on his own but the Marauders and I had no excuse to visit him. Normally Remus would send Sirius and I know how his transformation had gone; however this time I had not heard from him. His transformation had begun several days ago and he would usually owl us as soon as he could. The whoosh of the fireplace snapped me out of my thoughts, standing before me was a very tired looking Remus. 

I cracked a grin, "Hey Mooney, How are you going?"

"I'm fine physically."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm worried about Lily."

This snapped me out of my thoughts, why was he worried about Lily? "What is wrong, why are you worried about Lily?"

"Something that happened at the train station among other things."

"What do you mean by other things?"

"I sent Hermes to her the other day, when he came back he didn't have a message from her and he was missing several feathers."

"What? She wouldn't hurt Hermes, she loves that bird."

"I know that's why I'm so worried about her. No note and Hermes was really upset."

"Should we go and check up on her?"

"I want to, I know that we are going to get there and she is going to be perfectly fine and she is just going to laugh at us. When should we go?"

I could tell that Mooney really was concerned about her; he had probably had this on his mind ever since his transformation. "Shall we go over tonight? If anything is wrong then it would be best to go when everyone is asleep. That way we can also talk to Lily without Petunia going on about our kind."

"Yeah, that sounds good. Is it alright if I stay here tonight?"

"Yeah that's fine. I'll go and find Sirius and explain everything to him." I watched as Remus stepped back into the hearth and flooed away. Turning around I wondered where I could find Padfoot. I debated the likely hood of him being inside but then the old grandfather clock in began to chime, 12pm. What was I thinking? Its lunchtime, he'll be in the kitchen. Sure enough as I entered the kitchen I found Sirius fishing around in the cabinet which was charmed to remain cool. Padfoot stepped back and in his arms, piled to his nose were so many kinds of foot that my mouth began to water. My mind began to stray as to why I originally came into the kitchen, Lily I have to make sure that she is ok.

"Prongs buddy, I was just about to make myself some lunch. I suppose I can rustle you up some too." So far his eyes hadn't left his foot but he then glanced up and he must have noticed my face. "What is wrong Prongs?"

"Mooney just flooed in."

"Mooney, where is he? What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing is wrong with him, apart from the usual post transformation injuries. He's worried about Lily." Sirius's head flew up, he treated Lily like his sister and I could see that he was worried about her.

"Why? What's wrong with her? Is she hurt?" He had evolved into panic mode; he was completely oblivious about his food scattering all over the floor; and if Sirius was oblivious about food then there was something to be worried about.

"Calm down Padfoot. We don't know anything at the moment. Remus is just a bit worried because he send Hermes to her and when he came back he didn't have a letter and he was missing a few feathers. That is the only base for his suspicion. Stay calm, we are going to go over there tonight and sneak it. I reckon we will find her sound asleep safely in her bed."

"Oh, are you sure we should wait that long? I mean if there is something wrong then why should we wait, she could be in trouble or hurt."

"Padfoot calm down, its best if we go at night so that we won't have to deal with Petunia; you know what she will be like if we turn up and I doubt that her father would really stop her. Calm down, we will leave early to go see her and she will be perfectly fine."

"I'm trusting you on this, if you're wrong than I won't be held responsible for what I do." He glared at me while he said this; he was dead serious.

"Alright Padfoot. Now why don't you calm down and we will have some lunch." At the mention of food he seemed to calm down but I could tell that he was still concerned about Lily and only seeing her would calm him down.

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Just a short update, something which has taken ages to get going. Please let me know what you think. This was unbetaed because I emailed my beta with the chapter and emailed them again but never heard back. Please have a look at my forum. I will try to respond to all reviews. Posted Dec 23. 


	4. Chapter Three

_Previously:_

"_Padfoot calm down, its best if we go at night so that we won't have to deal with Petunia; you know what she will be like if we turn up and I doubt that her father would really stop her. Calm down, we will leave early to go see her and she will be perfectly fine."_

"_I'm trusting you on this, if you're wrong than I won't be held responsible for what I do." He glared at me while he said this; he was dead serious._

"_Alright Padfoot. Now why don't you calm down and we will have some lunch." At the mention of food he seemed to calm down but I could tell that he was still concerned about Lily and only seeing her would calm him down.

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_

Remus P.O.V.

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I don't think that James really believes that anything is wrong with Lily but with both Sirius and I worried about her he will have to give in and check on her with us. Sirius I had quickly packed a few things into a bag that I though I would need and basically ran to the fireplace, throwing the floo powder in I clearly said 'Potter Manor'. Stepping out of the fireplace I was greeted by Sirius who was pacing anxiously in front of the fireplace.

"Where have you been? I have been waiting for you; you should have been here ages ago!" Sirius was rather frantic; he really treated Lily like his sister, he adored her in a non romantic way.

"Calm down Padfoot; we can't leave her for a bit anyway."

"But what if something is wrong with her, she could be getting worse!"

"Calm down! She isn't hurt; she is just fine, were just over thinking everything."

"What if were not."

"We won't know until we get there." James said as he entered the room. Sirius sighed and flopped onto the couch in protest.

"You just don't care! You don't care about my little lily flower!" Sirius dramatically exclaimed.

"I do care about Lily, don't you dare say otherwise."

"If you cared you would want to leave now."

"I am thinking logically, if and I stress the word if, something is wrong then it would be better to go later at night when we can easily talk to Lily alone. You surely remember that her father and the horse aren't fond of magic." James explained. I noticed Sirius face grew darker, thinking of his own family and what they had done to him, he knew the horrors the world.

"Don't think about that Padfoot, I'm sure its nothing that bad." James face snapped up to look at us, I think the full force of our concern might have just hit him now. To us Lily was one of the guys; except for with Sirius, she truly was like his sister. When they had first me they had hit if off as friend, when the Sirius fan club had started there had been a lot of anger directed at Lily.

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_Flashback_

_Lily, Sirius, James, Peter and I arrived to breakfast together as usual; we all sat together, Lily and Sirius next to each other as usual. All of us boys had noticed the change in Lily and Sirius relationship in second year, now in fourth year we were all use to it, we understood it. The rest of the school however didn't._

_The familiar screech of owls indicated the morning post had arrived. A few letters dropped onto James, Sirius and my plate, Peter had one from his mother as usual. We were all surprised when a school barn owl dropped a letter onto Lily's plate. Lily's family hadn't sent her mail since her mother died. We were all curious about who Lily had received mail from; it would seem Lily was also curious because she eagerly sneezed the scroll and cracked the seal. Unrolling the parchment I noticed that something splashed onto Lily's face she had also noticed but she had suddenly dropped the parchment. It was a charmed howler. _

"_WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WITH **MY **SIRIUS. I KNOW YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BELIEVE YOU HAVE A CHANCE WITH HIM; YOU ARE A WORTHLESS MUDBLOOD, KEEP THAT IN MIND AND STAY AWAY FROM HIM OR ELSE THE NEXT LETTER WILL BE WORSE." The parchment burst into flames at the end of yelling, the message had attracted most of the great halls attention. Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall had both risen from their seats. I glanced at Lily to see what her reaction was; she suddenly began to tear up. Her face was beginning to erupt in large, red boils. Sirius noticed also and reached for her, wrapping an arm around her he began to lead her from the great hall. Unfortunately that was when the whispers broke out all over the great hall; Sirius's reaction to protect his 'sister' had led all the other students to believe there was truth to what the howler had said. _

"_SILENCE" Professor Dumbledore's voice boomed throughout the hall and everyone went silent. "This behavior from a student is shameful and unacceptable. I wish for the student responsible to come forward and own up to this shameful act. I want you to come to my office and confess."_

_End Flashback

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_

"What if she's in the same situation I was in?"

"Abuse you mean?"

"Yeah."

"Surely she would have told us, after all it was her that found out about you and talked you into staying with James. Her family wouldn't have; they don't like her but surely they're not that bad." James said.

"She would have told us if anything that serious had happened."

"Unless it only started this summer." Sirius explained.

"I'm sure Lily's fine; nothing serious has happened I'm sure. Perhaps she has met some muggles and hasn't had time to owl; Hermes probably arrived when she was out and her father was in."

"Are you forgetting that Hermes is trained to find that particular person; meaning she must have been at home when the letter was delivered. Unless Lily has suddenly become an abuser of owls then I stand by my statement that something is wrong." Sirius said seriously (No pun intended).

"Fine guys, were going to go and see her. She can just laugh at you both for being worried about nothing. Come on Remus we might as well put your stuff into the spare room and I can grab my invisibility cloak while we're up there."

"When are we leaving?" Sirius asked.

"In about twenty minutes, just after one, I'm sure that everyone there will be in bed by then and we can easily find Lily."

"Right, I'll wait here then." With Sirius pacing in front of the fireplace again James and I headed upstairs. The house was empty of any other people as usual; James parents were aurors and were often out on assignments. There were about five house elves at Potter Manor but they were usually busy around the house. Climbing the main staircase and turning left into what was basically James's wing I headed towards the room which I usually stayed in when I stayed; it was on the left of James room and the room which Sirius now lived in permanently was on the right of James room. The three of us always tried to stay near one another, just in case something happened. James parents had warned us about the rising threat of a wizard calling himself Lord Voldemort, he was killing people who defied him or who he believed to be of non pure blood. James parents were on the task squad working against him and attempting to capture him, this had made James and anyone around him a target, this included Sirius, Lily, Peter and myself. Lord Voldemort was purely evil he would go after you and everyone around you if you had gone against him in any way. Dropping my stuff on the end of the bed I began to head back downstairs, James fell into step beside me; entering the study where the fireplace was located Sirius was still pacing.

"Ready to go?" Sirius asked as James and I entered the room.

"Yea, you go first Sirius." He didn't even wait, stepping into the fireplace with a hand full of floo powder already in his hand.

"Four Privet Drive." With a flash of green flames he was gone; James and I straight behind him.

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I am now going at this story un betaed, by choice so how does it look? Sorry about the lack of updating, all my writing has kinda gone smack into a wall along with my life. Not sure when I will next be posting but the story will continue! Please review. 


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